Good Health Good Future

At the beginning of Anna Karenina, Tolstoy observes that “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Well, we know people can find a million ways to make themselves miserable and, as a therapist, I’ve seen many of them in action. It really does seem a shame to me that more people aren’t aware of or don’t use the simple standards that would enable them to live happier, less neurotic lives. And, compounding the tragedy, since children are the innocent recipients of whatever nonsense they live with, these toxic and spirit-wounding messages and myths are transferred down the ages. Children of dysfunctional parents will have to find their own way out of the neurotic traps their parents set for them. I don’t really blame the parents, though, because they’ve swallowed it whole from their own parents. So much fear! So much doubt!

But there is a way out of all this confusion and unhappiness. Just do what happy families do. It may not make for high drama; no one wants to watch a happy family in action. That’s why they don’t make movies about them. Unhappy families are much more interesting. Because they have conflict in abundance and that makes a better story. Still, you don’t really want your family to be a movie do you?

If happy families really are all alike, what is it that they have in common? At a conference of family researchers and therapists that question was asked in a survey. Nine characteristics emerged that seemed to constitute the basic dimensions of a strong, healthy family.

1. Adaptability to predictable life changes as well as to stressful events.

2. Recognition of both individual worth and the value of the family unit.

3. Clear, open and frequent communication.

4. Maintaining a sense of belonging while, at the same time, encouraging individual development.

5. Expression of appreciation and delight.

6. A religious/spiritual orientation that gives an underlying meaning to life.

7. Social connectedness with extended family, friends, neighbors and the community at large.

8. Clear and flexible roles so that everyone knows their responsibilities and can function effectively in crises as well as normal times.

9. The sharing of time together to the degree that this is enjoyable for them.

Dr. Hugh R. Leavell is a Marriage and Family Therapist in northern Palm Beach County, FL. He is available for sessions in person, by phone or online. Check his website at http://DrHughLeavell.com, email him at DrHughLeavell@gmail.com or call 561-471-0067.

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